It's always entertaining me to include sexual innuendos in my blogs- it really ups the traffic and makes the directing search terms hilarious. My favorite is "small gnome sex." Unfortunately, if you're looking for naked chics willing tickle you, spank you with a riding crop, or berate you for being a "very naughty boy," you've probably come to the wrong place (admittedly I do my fair amount of scolding during the day, but I remain completely clothed, thankyouverymuch).
Alas, my fetish is much more tame. Magazines, magazines and more magazines.
It all started off when I was in sixth grade or so, and my mom got my sister and I a subscription to Sassy. She'd read it while walking home from the mail box down the street and would pull out the "inappropriate" articles and hand us the rest, allowing us to learn how to make DIY face masks, figure out if boys liked us, or how exactly we should do our hair that fall. Magazines had all the answers to my problems and were going to make me more attractive, popular, and ready for all those up-and-coming encounters with the opposite sex.
Fast-forward a few years. Now I was reading Seventeen, Teen, People, and my mom's Redbook when she wasn't around (just in case I needed a recipe, advice on how to remove stains, or keep my lackluster marriage alive). Life was decent, all thanks to the magazines, I'm sure.
During my senior year in high school my mom must have realized I was doomed, so she quit monitoring my periodical consumption. I started devouring Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and InStyle, which ended up only being gateway drugs into a number of other titles. Luckily, I knew the value of the subscription, and for asking for them as gifts. At the time I was an avid-elliptical user and blew through the magazines like crazy. Now, with the whole running thing, it's not happening. Have I mentioned the subscription list has grown exponentially since college? For your entertainment:
Current Subscriptions
In Style (I'll never be able to afford the clothes, but they're so pretty, and each issue is so nicely done)
Glamour (on the verge of canceling... maybe)
Vanity Fa
ir (good articles)
New Yorker (to bring me down a notch when I'm feeling too smart)
Women's Health (because I'm a woman, and I like to be healthy)
Runner's World (I had heard it automatically made you faster just by reading... still waiting...)
Self (super generic, but super cheap and easy to read while power walking)
Shape (because I'd like to get one some day)
Bon Appetite (the food looks delicious but it's just about expired and I'm not renewing)
Recent Cancellations
Cosmopolitan (there are only so many ways to please a man, for crap's sake)
Food Network Magazine (this was my fault and I probably should renew)
Every Day- Rachel Ray (she's such an annoying bitch, but her recipes are decent; another one I should renew)
Marie Claire (they wrote an article falsely portraying some health blogs I love, so as an ac
t of solidarity I cancelled)
Travel (it was free, but I don't appreciate the constant reminder that I live in a less-than tropical and culturally unsatisfying location)
Favorites
Runners World
In Style
Confession
Playboy (it started off as a joke; my husband got it for me for Christmas one year and I ended up really enjoying the articles, some of which feature writers like Michael Chabon and other contemporary novelists. Unfortunately, it's really expensive so I didn't renew)
Possible Future Acquisitions
Real Simple (because my life is too complicated)
House Beautiful (in case I need some decorating tips)
Cooking Light (since cooking heavy is bad)
Jugs (because if I look at them long enough maybe mine will grow)
I really should cancel them all together- magazines are horrible for the environment and they tend to pile up since I only read them when I use the elliptical or power walk, or am at a doctor's office. But, you never know- they may solve all my problems and how tragic would it be if I missed out on that? Besides, it's my contribution to keeping print alive.
Alas, my fetish is much more tame. Magazines, magazines and more magazines.
It all started off when I was in sixth grade or so, and my mom got my sister and I a subscription to Sassy. She'd read it while walking home from the mail box down the street and would pull out the "inappropriate" articles and hand us the rest, allowing us to learn how to make DIY face masks, figure out if boys liked us, or how exactly we should do our hair that fall. Magazines had all the answers to my problems and were going to make me more attractive, popular, and ready for all those up-and-coming encounters with the opposite sex.
Fast-forward a few years. Now I was reading Seventeen, Teen, People, and my mom's Redbook when she wasn't around (just in case I needed a recipe, advice on how to remove stains, or keep my lackluster marriage alive). Life was decent, all thanks to the magazines, I'm sure.
During my senior year in high school my mom must have realized I was doomed, so she quit monitoring my periodical consumption. I started devouring Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and InStyle, which ended up only being gateway drugs into a number of other titles. Luckily, I knew the value of the subscription, and for asking for them as gifts. At the time I was an avid-elliptical user and blew through the magazines like crazy. Now, with the whole running thing, it's not happening. Have I mentioned the subscription list has grown exponentially since college? For your entertainment:
Current Subscriptions
In Style (I'll never be able to afford the clothes, but they're so pretty, and each issue is so nicely done)
Glamour (on the verge of canceling... maybe)
Vanity Fa
ir (good articles)
New Yorker (to bring me down a notch when I'm feeling too smart)
Women's Health (because I'm a woman, and I like to be healthy)
Runner's World (I had heard it automatically made you faster just by reading... still waiting...)
Self (super generic, but super cheap and easy to read while power walking)
Shape (because I'd like to get one some day)
Bon Appetite (the food looks delicious but it's just about expired and I'm not renewing)
Recent Cancellations
Cosmopolitan (there are only so many ways to please a man, for crap's sake)
Food Network Magazine (this was my fault and I probably should renew)
Every Day- Rachel Ray (she's such an annoying bitch, but her recipes are decent; another one I should renew)
Marie Claire (they wrote an article falsely portraying some health blogs I love, so as an ac
t of solidarity I cancelled)
Travel (it was free, but I don't appreciate the constant reminder that I live in a less-than tropical and culturally unsatisfying location)
Favorites
Runners World
In Style
Confession
Playboy (it started off as a joke; my husband got it for me for Christmas one year and I ended up really enjoying the articles, some of which feature writers like Michael Chabon and other contemporary novelists. Unfortunately, it's really expensive so I didn't renew)
Possible Future Acquisitions
Real Simple (because my life is too complicated)
House Beautiful (in case I need some decorating tips)
Cooking Light (since cooking heavy is bad)
Jugs (because if I look at them long enough maybe mine will grow)
I really should cancel them all together- magazines are horrible for the environment and they tend to pile up since I only read them when I use the elliptical or power walk, or am at a doctor's office. But, you never know- they may solve all my problems and how tragic would it be if I missed out on that? Besides, it's my contribution to keeping print alive.
I absolutely LOVE reading magazines but they drive my husband crazy cause he thinks they take up too much space (we do live in a small Manhattan apartment, so I can't argue too much). Right now I only get Runner's World but I'd have several more each month if I could! It is economical to get the subscription after all!
ReplyDeleteI love magazines as well but I can't bring myself to subscribe to many of them. I do recycle them when I'm done but I've often wondered if I should take them to a doctor's office or jury room for someone else to read.
ReplyDeleteI was just considering renewal of our subscriptions - Popular Mechanics, Sunset, and Mother Jones.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE MAGAZINES. My mom has been doing this survey thing where she gets points for things like magazine subscriptions. I had a subscription to Vanity Fair and Newsweek for years, but I got tired of the articles in Vanity Fair and I hated the direction Newsweek went when it got a new editor. Such a shame, cause I was a longtime subscriber (at least 10 years). My current favs are Bon Appetit and Shape. I also used to subscribe to Self but I felt like I wasn't connecting to the articles anymore.
ReplyDeleteHahah! You don't strike me as a Playboy fan... Hustler maybe, but not Playboy. :p
ReplyDeleteYour comment about Jugs is hilarious... hilarious because if that were the case I'm right there with you.
I am definitely a magazine person. I always have been because the pictures and short articles speak to my inner ADHD child. My current favs are Self and The Nest. The Nest has great and funny marriage stuff. love it!
I remember mom doing that! early on i would see the articles in the table of contents and then go to look for them and i was all confused because they werent there!!
ReplyDeleteplease please if have any magazines you could save for me for the trip home that would be fantabulous! thanks
This really cracked me up. I have a similar history with magazines--and my mom would pull out the "racy" pages of my seventeens when I first started reading it around 12 or so. I get Runner's World and Esquire and can't ever see canceling either, although I co do with getting rid of FItness and Self.
ReplyDeleteOh! And I love the random search terms. I did a post titled "peanut butter porn" once and I was NOT pleased at the people Google sent my way!
I really want your Juggs comment to be true. I also love that you slum it and read magazines. I always picture you with a 1000 page novel.
ReplyDeleteI actually am letting my Marie Claire subscription lapse for the same reason you canceled it. One good thing about that article is that it brought me into the blog world though...I also get Fitness, Shape, Self, Health, Real Simple, and People...and I'm always contemplating more!
ReplyDelete