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Why must I torture myself? For some god-foresaken reason I decided to waste my time and watch this tidbit on Nicholas Sparks on CNN today. Those are three minutes I will never get back.
My take:
Headline "Nicholas Sparks calls writing painful"
Thought: The only thing that's painful is listening to your mouth and reading your words.
"I need to blow my nose... allergic to the books."
Thought: I hope you blow the five brain cells you own out of your head and spare the world anymore books. I'm allergic to your books. Sneezing, coughing, scratching and vomiting.
"...All of which have been made into movies."
Thought: Shut up you money-hungry asshole
"I write what I think people will want to read..."
Thought: He had just said writing would be easy if he wrote what he wanted to; can you say "SELL OUT?" Douchebag.
"The motivation for me largely these days comes from that my publishing house expects a novel from me every fall..."
Thought: What would a book you truly wanted to write be like? You have enough clout to say "no," why don't you? Work outside the box, write something you want to. I think I have even less respect for him now I understand "playing the game" when you're young, but this far into it? He could easily rework his contract.
"... a wife and five kids..."
Thought: Oh, he's a [insert religious community that reproduces in excess of 2.5 kids]. I mean someone dumb enough to not use condoms. I mean someone who obviously needs the cash to feed the family.
I almost feel bad for him. And it's passed.
My take:
Headline "Nicholas Sparks calls writing painful"
Thought: The only thing that's painful is listening to your mouth and reading your words.
"I need to blow my nose... allergic to the books."
Thought: I hope you blow the five brain cells you own out of your head and spare the world anymore books. I'm allergic to your books. Sneezing, coughing, scratching and vomiting.
"...All of which have been made into movies."
Thought: Shut up you money-hungry asshole
"I write what I think people will want to read..."
Thought: He had just said writing would be easy if he wrote what he wanted to; can you say "SELL OUT?" Douchebag.
"The motivation for me largely these days comes from that my publishing house expects a novel from me every fall..."
Thought: What would a book you truly wanted to write be like? You have enough clout to say "no," why don't you? Work outside the box, write something you want to. I think I have even less respect for him now I understand "playing the game" when you're young, but this far into it? He could easily rework his contract.
"... a wife and five kids..."
Thought: Oh, he's a [insert religious community that reproduces in excess of 2.5 kids]. I mean someone dumb enough to not use condoms. I mean someone who obviously needs the cash to feed the family.
I almost feel bad for him. And it's passed.
Bahahhahahaaha. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees Nicolas Sparks as a huge douche.
ReplyDeleteChristine - right on the money!! I was just starting my morning routine today and I thought I would go back and find that Sparks interview and file it - I suppose just as an example of how to be a successful pander boy ... i.e., how not to be in life. hahaha I'm glad I found your blog instead. Best, KPJ
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