Top Ten Worries from the Realm of Social-Isolation

I am a worrier by nature, although generally not about things like health, which I know is weird. Money? Yes. Relationships? Yes. Employment? Yes. Education? Yes. My home? Yes. I can trace most of this back to my childhood, but we'll save that for a future visit for therapy, if I ever have the time to actually go (ha). Of course I am worried about BIG things- the economy, a vaccine/therapeutics for COVID19, how this is impacting POC, what this means for people who were about to retire, etc... but this is just a glimpse into my specific life. I think that a lot of people view my social media and whatnot and think that I have it all together, since I choose to mostly highlight the positive, something I vehemently think everyone has the right to do. And I guess I do, for the most part, because I work so hard to stay steady for my son. But internally, sometimes it's an absolute shit show. 

1. That I am not doing enough work- I know I am doing a ton of work, but no matter how many hours I put in each day (and night), it never feels like enough. I know a lot of this is because it is done at home, as opposed to my classroom, and because I don't physically see my students, but I could work 20 hours a day and still feel like I wasn't doing what I needed to right now.

2. That I am not doing a good job teaching my son- Is it fun enough? Is he being challenged? Am I using too many worksheets? Am I doing math in the right order? Will he have the necessary skills for first grade? Should I do more? Less?

3. Food weirdness- I have been grocery shopping every ten days and the idea of food shortages still really scares me, especially when you read some of the headlines. Plus, it's so unsettling to go to the grocery store and not to get things. I definitely always took it for granted that I'd always have access to things like yeast and butter easily. 

4. What will happen next school year?- What will classrooms look like? How will I handle the logistics of my son being in another district, which he will just be beginning under these weird circumstances? How will he adapt? (I think academically he will be fine, and I think socially he will probably be fine too, since he's a friendly kid and all the other first graders will not have seen each other for over a half a year. If this was fifth grade I'd be a wreak). 

5. Will I lose my mind?- By four in the afternoon Monday-Friday I am frustrated, frazzled, and short on patience. I am putting forth more mental, emotional, and even physical, some days, energy than ever and I am not getting enough sleep. I am very burnt out, but I know that I have to plow forward. I am also anticipating a lot of challenges about transitioning back to going into public and work and whatnot, which have been occupying my mind a lot these past few days. 

6. What kind of pay cuts will happen down the line for teachers?- I am thankful for my job and seniority, but I know that the state is losing a ton of money and there will be K-12 cuts eventually. 

7. Will my grandparents stay safe?-My grandma has Alzheimer's and is in a tiny residential home and some relatives who are still working are living with my grandpa, who has a history of heart disease. 

8. That I will offend people by not handling my privilege correctly- I try to conscious about what I have and not broadcast it in people's faces, nor complain widely (here is different, because I know I have few readers). I didn't boast about my new laptop I bought for work (my old one was not up for the task of distance learning), I don't show my cartload of food on my stories, packages arriving, etc... But I know I am still subconsciously slipping it in, even by expressing concerns about work, since people have lost their jobs. I am able to stay home and do my work, while my family is safe and healthy, and I know that is a huge advantage. 

9. That people in a rush will jeopardize everything- People who don't interpret data correctly, people who are bored, people who are inpatient, people who hate the governor, etc... are putting way too much pressure on politicians to open RIGHT NOW. These people aren't looking at how long it took Wuhan to open are totally ignoring the experts who say too fast will be too bad. I also am ready for the onslaught of ignorant "it wasn't that bad" comments, which is what WE WANT to happen- for social distancing to have worked so that less people became sick. I don't know why I get so angry and upset by the stupidity of people I either know are dumb or who are strangers, but I do. And I don't think this should go on at this level indefinitely; I am very supportive of a phased in return to "normal."

10. That I won't get to see my seniors- I am worried our district won't end up having a real graduation or that it will be poorly attended and that many kids who I loved so much will never come back (this is completely speculative, the district says they are having one and a lot of kids are probably going to distance learning first semester, so they will be in town). The real end-of-the-year for seniors is such a big deal normally, and I make such a big deal about it, and this year we learned fifth period we were leaving, after I had seen most of my kids for the day. It breaks my heart.