Children's Books- Teaching Diversity

As the results of the election continue to percolate and hurt, my husband and I have talked about things we can actually do, as opposed to just complaining (granted we're just getting warmed up, I'm sure). We've talked about how we can use our jobs as vehicles to spread tolerance (he is in advertising and me, as a teacher, can ensure that my classroom is a safe place and that my students know I am open-minded and accepting, whether they are undocumented, homosexual, etc...), allocate our charitable contributions towards places that may be in jeopardy (or up the amounts for ones we already give to that need it), and, most importantly, do everything we can to raise a son that does not discriminate against those of different nationalities and ethnicities, understands that women are equal and have a right to do what they please with their bodies, acknowledges gender fluidity and same sex marriages, and is conscientious of the environment (and lots of other things). Obviously the best way to teach this is by owning it and living it ourselves. But conversations do need to happen- you can't expect that your child is a complete sponge. We also know that Sawyer has his own brain and will make his own decisions. But the fundamental rights of others to exist safely and fairly, and the need for our earth to be protected, are non-negotiable. 

He is only two-and-a-half right now, so sitting him down to watch TED Talks or engaging in discussions in the car about Obamacare and the Lilly Ledbetter Act are sort of unrealistic right now. But I truly believe that it's never too early to start the conversation, so that's why, in a semi-knee-jerk reaction to the election that I don't regret at all, I ordered many, many children's books that promote diversity and awareness of important issues. This is my first kid, after all- I am not exactly an expert on explaining greenhouse emissions or homosexuality to a small child. Here's what we will be reading and talking about:

Poverty

This story is about a young boy who can't get the cool shoes that all the other kids are getting; he feels left out and his grandmother feels guilty. When he does track down a pair at a thrift store they are too small but he decides to give to his friend who was the only person that didn't make fun of him.

Activism

I love this board book! It goes through the alphabet and brings up some extensive activism vocabulary ("Z is for zapatista"), has a picture of a mom breastfeeding (implied though, no boobage), and covers a wide range of topics from solar power, to democracy, to feminism, to healthy food.

Environmental Awareness

This story tells the tale of a young girl who lives in the Arctic and notices some polar bear cubs separated from their mother one day while she is out on a boat with her father. He uses this as an opportunity to talk about greenhouse emissions and the melting glaciers. It's cute, quick, and to the point. I also love that there are some kid-friendly tips on how to help the environment at the end.

Feminism

The author, Andrea Beatty, has written a couple of other great books that show kids doing great things (and being allowed to do so). I chose this book because it's an African American little girl who is the budding scientist- not her brother, not her white friend that she's helping, but her and her alone. The message is great (not just boys, but girls too can observe, ask questions, persist), the story is fun, and the illustrations are the best (we also have Iggy Peck, Architect, which is a favorite around here). 

This one is a little long, so I might only read it when he's getting sleepy or when he's eating (aka mobility is low). The content is great, though. Besides Ruth just being a total rockstar (did anyone notice her dissent collar on Wednesday, despite not making any decisions? In-yo-face), this book shows what women can accomplish, while helping others who need it.

LGBTQ Rights

We've actually talked about families having two daddies before, since we have And Tango Makes Three, but I liked that this one was about a little girl who goes to school and realizes that there is nothing wrong with her two mommies. She feels a little different, but the teacher explains that all families are different but great- just as all teachers should. Sawyer is going to preschool next year and it is important to me that he knows that what some may deem as "untraditional" is totally normal. 

Racial and Ethnic Awareness and Equality

This book, about a Chinese girl who is walking through her neighborhood and pointing out shapes seen in many items unique to her culture, is more about awareness. Where we live the Asian community isn't super dominant, so it's important for Sawyer to see different types of food, dress, decor, etc...

The text of this book are lyrics to the song, along with some really beautiful illustrations. While the words are pretty simple, I think that the conversations that can occur based on the pictures (and even song!) could be pretty important. Part of me wants to roll my eyes at this one, but I know he will love it and I also know this can springboard into more important talks in the future. So, this one is a good one for just exploring differences.  Oh, and I'm not playing the CD of the song for him. Just... no. 

This book is published by National Geographic and has simple words accompanying powerful photography of families from around the world doing the basic things all humans do- eating, interacting, traveling, playing, etc... Bottom line- despite having different colored skin, wearing different clothing, or living in a variety of habitats, we are all human. 

This one made me sort of angry, but at reality not the book itself. Unhei, a Korean immigrant, arrives in America and feels pressured to change her name because people can't pronounce it or think it's too different (this has happened with many of my own students, over the years; I will be the first to admit that sometimes I have some serious "white girl" pronunciation, but I would NEVER ask a student to change his or her name or if I could give them an easier-to-say nickname). Eventually she becomes more comfortable, but it takes time and she is lucky to have some kind interactions along the way. Respecting who people are and where they come from, as well as their cultures, is so critical.

So, here are the ten I've bought this time around (obviously I didn't find one on everything; I'd like to do some more research and find some more... suggestions welcome!). We buy Sawyer lots of books and making sure I am more conscientious when selecting them in the future to include a variety of subjects, characters, and authors is something that's important to me. 

So, yes, I am fearful for the direction of our country, but I do know that I am doing my part in my home.

We Should All Be Feminists (Really, We Should)

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is one of those writers and social theorists that will most definitely serve to represent this period of time (if you haven't read Americanah you should immediately). I finally got around to reading her essay that expanded the TED Talk she gave on feminism. As you can see by the stick notes in the picture above, there were so many sections that made me nod my head and give an emphatic "yes! Exactly!" 

It is important to note that Adichie grew up in Africa, and speaks from that perspective in a majority of this piece. While gender equality is undoubtedly a global issue, the severity of the issue differs from place to place. Her experience comes from the perspective of seeing women not being allowed into night clubs without male chaperones, women turning down jobs to please their husbands, women being expected to take on all domestic responsibilities, and women being told they simply cannot hold positions of power. Granted these things happen in the United States, but the widespread acceptance of the gender gap in Africa is a bit more commonplace than what we are accustomed to. Anyway, context can be necessary, although this does not negate the fact that feminism is essential. 

"...but what it shows is how that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage: you hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, you think women should always be in charge, you don't wear make-up..." (11)

I have also been called a feminist with a tone of disdain (once by a student! Ha!). The problem here is a classic connotation vs. denotation issue. By dictionary definition, a feminist is someone who simply wants equality. Unfortunately, culturally this word has become emotionally charged in a negative manner, as Adichie addresses above. She points out later, though, that culture is something that is created by the people, it is not the people; therefore we have the power to change things.

"What struck me- with her and with many other female American friends I have- is how invested they are in being 'liked.' How they have been raised to believe that their being likable is very important and that this 'likable' trait is a specific thing" (24).

This is something that I grapple with often and did more than ever when I first started teaching and had an old-school, professional male boss. Even when I first started teaching high school I wanted the kids to like me, but I also struggled with the idea of them liking me and respecting me. Male teachers don't seem to deal with this as much; they go in and get the job done and anyone who has a problem with that can screw off. I have made a lot of progress in this area in frequent years, at work and personally. I try to treat people with respect, but I stick to my guns on things I feel strongly about.

"The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations" (34).

God, I am so sick of gender stereotypes. That whole Target not labeling their bedding and toys as girls/boys causing such an uproar was ridiculous. Why does a pink bedspread need to be labeled as "girl"? Why send a message to a little guy that because he wants a pink blanket he's not really a "boy"? My son had a frilly apron on this afternoon to help me make pizza and he loved it. My husband? Didn't care. Me? Thought it was great. Let's just let people be themselves and chill out with the labels. 

"We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage" (26).

As the mother of a little boy this really hit home. I don't want anyone to tell my son that he needs to "man up" or "crying is for girls." I loathe the fact that some people still turn their noses up at men staying at home to take care of children while the women are the breadwinners- such a horrible example has been set for young men as they grow up. 

We spend a lot of time talking about how women have the short end of the stick, and yes, we do, but we cannot fail to acknowledge the fact that society puts a great deal of pressure on males to fit int a certain box as well, both physically, emotionally, and economically. 

"I know a woman who has the same degree and same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which is true for many marriages, but what struck me was that whenever he changed the baby's nappy, she said thank you to him. What if she saw it as something normal and natural, that he should help care for his child?" (37)

Ugh. This is something I have allowed to happen in my house- this is me claiming a great deal of responsibility for it. My assumption of the household tasks and child care comes from three main places. One: it was how it went in my own house growing up. Two: I get home four hours before my husband, so I really do have to care for Sawyer and getting housework out of the way is logical. And three: I have a "need to do it all" mentality that I've taken to the extreme. My husband would be willing to do more if I told him what to do, but I have fallen into this 1950s housewife (that works full time and has hobbies and friends) routine that makes the feminist in me scream (and I also tell people what to do at work all day, and am tired of it by the time I get home). It's a tough situation and I take a lot of the blame. Adichie makes a wonderful point, but I'd like to add to it that thanking your spouse for their efforts isn't a bad thing... as long as it's done mutually. 

"And that is part of the problem. That many men to not actively think about gender or notice gender. That many men say... that things might have been bad in the past but everything is fine now" (42).

I think this is unfortunately something that can be compared to the idea of white privilege and race right now; so many white people don't think about racial injustice because they, incorrectly, don't think that it impacts them. So many men don't think about issues regarding feminism because they, incorrectly, don't think that it impacts them. We need a collective change of perspective in both regards.

I read it in less than an hour, on the treadmill. It's not hard, but it is important. 

Bookish (and not so Bookish) Thoughts

Link up, link back, say hello! Today will be brief... you're welcome? 

1. So I'd feel like a jackass if I didn't mention the shooting in San Bernardino this afternoon. This one was a little too close to home; the location was about thirty or forty miles away from where I live. There is a lot to be said on the issue, but I'll leave it simple tonight: my thoughts are with all victims, families of victims, law enforcement agents, and community. The whole thing is tragic, senseless, and infuriating.

2. I downloaded this Star Wars Christmas cross stitch patterns, because it was less than $4.00 and I need another thing to not get done and feel like a failure about:

[source]

3. Today my car charger for my phone was being a total jackass and I think fried the charger itself and possibly my cigarette lighter (TBD). Things like this are what it takes to motivate me to come home and back up my phone and computer. Done and done. I always say that I'm going to do it once a week, but, as it turns out, it hasn't been done since July. Oops.

4. I picked up my orthotics and have strict instructions to run in them a ton over the next three weeks to see if they help my feet. I don't want to get too optimistic, but I'm so desperate right now. Considering how much they cost, since I haven't met my deductible this year, they better be downright magical.

5. I'm reading Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, which I've had my seniors do an end-of-year project on in the past, finally. I'm really enjoying it and it's actually making me want to do my own list for myself. I love the point she raises about how when we're young our go-to answer is "nothing" (how was your day?) to "busy" as an adult. 

6. I just downloaded two yoga apps on my phone the other day. The first is just a Sun Salutation cueing audio, with a log, and the other is called Down Dog and puts together "classes" for you, based on how much time you have, your level, and what music you want. I haven't tried it yet but am excited at the prospect. 

7. Someone shared or liked this picture on Facebook this morning and it irrationally made me angry. Excuse me? Did his wife keep tabs of every time he emptied the dishwasher? Made dinner? Went grocery shopping? Ran an errand? Made sure the sex was actually good? What an idiot. Disgusting. 

8. I think I'm over owning cookbooks, as sad as it is. They're so beautiful and fun to look at, but if I'm being honest most of my recipes come from the internet. Plus cookbooks take up a ton of room. I don't plan on getting rid of the ones I do have, I just don't plan on necessarily getting more (although I'm sure there will be exceptions). 

9. This morning when I weighed myself I was at an all-time-low (for me). I have also been eating a ridiculous amount of Dark Chocolate Stars from Trader Joe's since Sunday. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. I just found the best diet plan ever. Good thing I have two unopened boxes in the pantry. 

10. I feel like I've been (barely) fighting off a cold for three of four weeks. I religiously take vitamin C in the morning and at night, wash my hands, exercise, and whatever healthy things I can squeak in, but I think the lack of good sleep and stress is going to catch up with me and I'm going to be down for the count. Things to look forward to. Until then, I'll keep fighting the good fight. 

Bad Feminist, Part 2

The other day I wrote a post quickly reviewing Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist. First of all, there really isn't such a thing as "bad feminist," really. Sure, there are different degrees of feminism, but I hate the idea of declaring someone "bad" at it, and I'm pretty sure Gay would agree.

What I did find amusing and thought-provoking, though, was her sort of gradual cataloging of what would make her a bad feminist by the stereotypical definition of the term. This of course made me think of my own, imperfect, version of feminism and what I do that would make a "good feminist" and a "bad feminist." I started explaining each item, but thought I'd spare everyone the novel. 

"Good"

1. I didn't change my name when I got married.

2. We have separate bank accounts and maintain a joint one for household expenses only. We split things like vacations, dinners out, etc... 

3. I believe women should receive equal pay for equal work. 

4. I passionately believe in a woman's right to do what she pleases when it comes to her reproductive/contraceptive health. 

5. I have never let men pay for me on dates just because they're the male. Except on my birthday. 

6. I believe women should have the opportunity to apply for any job out there, especially in the public sector/military. 

7. I do not believe a woman should be submissive to a husband for religious, traditional, or any other purposes. 
8. I think the concept of chivalry is archaic. 
9. My husband and I don't know each other's passwords for anything; not our phones, bank accounts, credit cards, emails, or anything else. 

"Bad"

1. I didn't put up a fight about my son having my husband's last name. 

2. I do most of the domestic chores and childrearing at home (this one I have to explain some; my husband commutes and isn't home late, while I'm home much earlier, so while tiring, it is logical).

3. I shave my legs every single day. Sometimes twice if I, for some reason, shower more than once.

4. I sincerely (and I guess vainly) care about my looks. 

5. Sometimes when I go to Home Depot I don't even bother trying to find things myself; I find a nice gentleman worker, smile, act slightly clueless, and let him find those light bulbs, or whatever, for me. 

6. I've let men be aggressive, condescending, and disrespectful towards me.

7. I think that women would get more respect when it came the issue of equality if they didn't put down men in the argument (is that bad?). Actually sometimes I think being so vocal, period, pushes people away from the cause. It's tough. 
8. I hate the "you go, girl!" movement. I hate how women get all cheesy and annoying about empowering each other. 
9. I get a tad bit pissy every Valentine's Day because we don't celebrate it. 

Bad Feminist- Part 1

I just finished Roxane Gay's collection of essays, Bad Feminist, and thought it was quite the thought-provoking read. Today I'm going to just sort of review it and then I thought I'd talk a little more about how I too really am a bad feminist, so to speak, in an upcoming post. 

First of all, Gay is an intelligent, African American, early middle-aged, unmarried, childless, witty, opinionated woman. She's a professor and blogger, not a career-activist. She is flawed and honest. You have to know where she's coming from to understand where she's going (but isn't that the case for all of us?). 

Gay's book is divided up into a series of essays, focusing on herself, gender and sexuality, race and entertainment, and then politics, gender and race. Going into this, I honestly knew nothing more than the title and the fact that everyone loved her TED Talk (in my queue to watch; I know, I know, I need to get on it). I honestly didn't know that race would factor in as much as it does, but I loved that it did, given the sort of crossroads we're at right now as a society. What I appreciated, though, was that I didn't walk away from this book feeling ashamed of my privilege or my color, which I think a lot of activists end up doing, whether on purpose or not. It makes sense, though, since for Gay her feminism and color are so often linked.

My favorite sections were on her personal life, including the chapters on Scrabble competitions (!!!), career path, and experiences with men. She honestly discusses being, for lack of a better term, gang-raped when she was younger by the friends of a boy she was secretly dating. She doesn't write about herself in a way that evokes pity or applause, though. It's emotional, but it's straightforward. 

The definition of "feminist" is discussed at length. What exactly is a feminist? The word has such a negative connotation these days; a feminist is seen as a "man-hater," someone who doesn't shave her legs, as a female that puts down the opposite gender. But that really, truly isn't what a feminist is. A feminist is someone that wants equality and that wasn't to be thought of less because she isn't a man. Gay talks about what it means to be a "bad feminist"- is she one because she is a "woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music she knows, she knows, is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen"? (Gay xi). Or is she a good feminist? I loved her point that, "the most significant problem with essential feminism is how it doesn't allow for the complexities of human experience or individuality" (305). There is no one-size fits all feminism.

This book isn't for everyone, although I think everyone would at least be provoked to think about gender, and racial, politics. 

Nonfiction Nagging: Lena Dunham is a Piece of Work

Lena Dunham is not someone I'd like to be friends with, have as a daughter, have as a sister, or know as an acquaintance. And maybe this is because I have no patience and am not an empathetic person. Or maybe it's because I don't like drama, narcissism, or people who act like they are bigger feminists than they are. 

I do have to admit to loving Girls, and I will continue to love it. I did not realize it was quite as autobiographical as it is, but I can accept that and continue to watch it. 

I've been interested in Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl ever since I heard of the $3.5 million dollar advance it received. That's a solid chunk of change. Plus, as I aforementioned, I love her show Girls, and I consider myself a feminist, although not the stereotypical type that doesn't shave her legs, hates men, and constantly bitches and moans about the salary gap. So obviously it was pretty inevitable that I'd read her collection of essays. 

Some (mean-ish) things I thought while reading:

- Is she for real? Is she a real person? Please tell me she is embellishing her ridiculousness.

- Why are people putting condoms in house-trees? Is this a thing I'm just not cool enough to know about? Is this something that only artistic Oberlin people do?

- Oh. This is what people keep talking about when they say things like "white privilege." I get it now.

- You are not a feminist if you are that hung up on men and their validation of you. Just because you are too lazy to stay on a diet, shave, and develop a fashion sense doesn't mean you can wave around the feminist card. Or maybe this is just a new brand of feminism, for the millenials, or whatever it's called.

- Entitlement x 5325347584994

- There are some gross things that you should just keep to yourself. Fine, tell your friends if that's what you guys talk about, but do you really need to share private, weird, things about, say, YOUR VAGINA, with the whole damn world?

- I hope she doesn't reproduce. She struggles to care about anyone but herself.

- Ummm, where is Jessa? Marnia? Shoshanna? 

- *Pause* let's define rape, shall we?

- Your dad seems cool, but your mom seems sort of... difficult

- You are a slut, Lena Dunham

- Now I feel like less of a feminist for calling someone a slut, since everyone should get to explore their sexuality as they see fit, as long as everyone is safe and consenting. But still, she had sex with a lot of people that she didn't really know. 

- People who write memoirs before they're at least middle-aged have some serious narcissism problems going on. 

- There are some sections in the end that aren't as infuriating as the beginning, like on work, therapy, etc... But still. 

This book was really irritating, but it was also really fun to hate read. I think this would be an excellent book club selection, actually, since I'd anticipate some really strong feelings. She's not a bad writer, in fact I'd actually say that's she has a decent voice and style. She's just a serious pain in the ass.