Why 'Fifty Shades of Gray' is a Bad Idea*

1. It was inspired by Twilight- E.L. James started writing Twilight fan-fiction and it slowly morphed into her own series.

2. When I say "inspired," I mean "heavily inspired." I make it no secret that I think Twilight is crap, but I am more opposed to blatantly "borrowing" ideas, which many readers have reported has happened here (remember, I haven't read it, but it's being said over and over again by those who have). If it weren't for Twilight she wouldn't have her text. There are some really great comparisons under the "one star" reviews on Amazon and on Galley Cat. Originality is important to me; I'm hearing this is not.

3. From what the reviews say, the writing is somewhere around an eighth grade level. Are you serious? Grown adults are spending money and time reading "novels" that are something a hormonal little girl who fantasizes about Justin Bieber can fully comprehend? Really? Way to sell your self short, people. But, then again, mainstream adult fiction reading at a low level is nothing new.

4. This book has been labeled with the term "mommy porn," a phrase that definitely gives me the heebie jeebies. Personally, that invokes the image of a thirty-five year old woman getting bonged in the laundry room with Windex in one hand and little Ben's bottle in the other. No thanks. I don't have a problem with porn or erotica, but "mommy porn" is definitely not a turn on. And yes, I get that the term means that it's porn for mommies, but still.

5. The reported advance James made from selling the hard-copy rights over to Vintage is seven figures. Over a million dollars! This is insane. Ridiculous. Like poetry, anyone can write romance. It's a formula: girl meets boy, girl has a problem, boy pretends to fix it, they do it, they do it again a different way, some other surface level plot event happens, they do it again, etc... Seven effing figures (no pun intended).

6. The series acquired its immense following as an eReader format. Can this get any worse?

7. Oh, and there's going to be a movie.

8. On a serious level, there are concerns about just how the sex and relationships are presented. Dr. Drew Pinsky, on his HLN show, discussed the dangerous "rape fantasy" aspect of the book (it's about a woman who basically enters a contract to be someone's sex slave). Granted I don't think we can hold a book responsible for making people act a certain way, it's definitely not healthy to glamorize it. I also agree with Drew's, and others', belief that it sets the women's movement back, as does anything that sets women up as sexually helpless. It's one thing to bust out the handcuffs and blindfolds occasionally, but the idea of romanticizing total sexual domination is not cool with me.

9. There are three of them.

10. The fact that this book is getting so much attention is extremely aggravating. I understand that this post has now become a piece of hypocrisy, but I don't care. It's so infuriating that quality literature is lucky to get a short write up hidden on page seventeen of a newspaper or magazine, while this is getting segments on TV shows. I try to placate myself with the reassurance that I don't necessarily want to read what the "masses" are, but...

Conclusion: if you read this I will cut you (out of my life).

Photo Credit: The Writer's Coffee Shop

*I haven't read this, nor will I ever.

Note: Due to the exceptionally well-written comment (see below) by "Anonymous," I'd like to add that this is more a diatribe as to why I will not read it. In case you hadn't yet figured that out....