One Month Reflections

Disclaimer: Baby post. It's been awhile, so I'd thought I'd give an update on the reason why my blog posts have decreased!

Sawyer turned one-month-old yesterday and I'm torn between "ohmygod it's going so fast" and "holy crap, every day is slow and exactly the same, and I can't wait until you can play with LEGOS and go to the science museum with me" Before having him I accepted the fact that being a parent would be hard and the first six weeks would be excruciating. I don't think they've been as bad as I've thought, but here's a rundown:

Sleep

Sleep, I miss you so! These days I'm lucky to get sleep in 2.5 hour blocks- a few times I've gotten three straight and it's been glorious. Sawyer has to eat every four hours at night (at first it was 2-3 when he was born, since he lost a bit of weight), although he generally can't go that long and wakes up himself. For example, he'll wake up at 3, I'll nurse him for thirty or so minutes, change his diaper, and then spend another ten or so getting him back to sleep. It was even longer, but I stopped supplementing with a bottle as much at night. I'm getting used to it, but the first week or two was brutal. Luckily he doesn't wake up cranky- there's very little to no crying at night, just big wide-open eyes.

Feeding

I don't want to get too into it, but breastfeeding is hard. I've had some trouble in terms of producing enough, meaning I've had to give him a little formula (which I'm totally okay with) and have had to throw in some pumping session during the day to get things moving (which has worked some). I generally spend about seven or eight hours on feeding-related activities a day. The mental burden has been the worst part- if things had worked easily it would have been better, but I'm trying to go with it. Four weeks in things have gotten better, but I look forward to the day where I can hopefully cut the supplementing and extra pumping out. I'd like to commit to breastfeeding until he's six or eight months, but we'll see. All I know is that if someone else says "breast is best" to me I might punch them in the face.

Sawyer

I'm not going to lie- the first two or three weeks Sawyer was a bit boring. He was sweet and cuddly and cute, but we were pretty much on the feed/eat/sleep/cry occasionally routine. In the past week he's awake a bit more and has started noticing things around him a little bit, specifically the mobile attached to the bouncer he hangs out in every morning while I tend to the dogs and eat breakfast. He's not smiling on purpose quite yet, but he is starting to make sweet little cooing noises and does show his feisty side by arching his back and giving an occasional frustrated old-man grunt. He sighs after his sneezes and screams bloody murder during his baths. He loves the Metallica lullaby CD and once sat, awake, through me reading six books to him. He has potential. And I have to say, I have probably never kissed anyone as much as I have this little guy's chubby cheeks.

Worry
I worry about everything anyway and did a damn good job staying calm during my pregnancy. I'm trying to channel that calm, though, when it comes to not freaking out about the crazy sounds newborns make while breathing at night. Or when he screams himself hoarse and sounds like he smokes two packs a day (this is happening right now, actually). I'm trying not to think about sending him to daycare and the provider not knowing what he likes and needs. I try to not weight him every day after he lost almost a pound the first few days after birth. Luckily our pediatrician is amazing and as long as the kid is eating, pooping, and breathing he's probably fine. 

The Dogs

I have yet to experience "mommy-guilt," but do very much feel bad for the dogs. They were used to at least six solid walks a week and are now down to four or five. They have yet to go in the pool (I'm seriously considering telling some of my students that they can come use my pool if they'll take my dogs in it with them... and dry them off)  and seem to be generally pretty bored. I know I'm projecting, as dogs are generally pretty lazy creatures during the summer, but still. I try to pay attention to them as much as possible, even if it's for just a quick belly rub, but it is something I feel bad about.

Work

I really miss work. I hate the fact that my seniors are starting their last week and I'm not there. I hate the fact that someone else is running my class. I hate the fact that my friends are there and I am not. 

Mental Health

I am incredibly thankful that I didn't have to deal with post-partum depression, which I was a little bit worried about since I do have some of the risk factors. I did have a few moments that involved tears, "why did I do this?" and "my life is going to suck for the next few years!" thoughts, and copious amounts of cookies. This was primarily in week two, though, after the novelty of the new toy had worn off and exhaustion had set in (I'm sure there are some hormonal factors as well). My husband was wonderful- he listened, took the baby so I could get stuff done and nap, and bought more cookies. While I still do have moments of frustration, I'm in a good place and think I'm handling things well now! 

Post-Partum Weight and Whatnot

First of all, labor and delivery is disgusting. The things that your body goes through is just... ugh. Gross. Luckily, a lot of that nastiness leads to weight loss! Hurray! I gained almost thirty-five pounds and was down twelve by the time I got home. Within two weeks I had lost twenty and I'm now down somewhere around twenty-five. Things are definitely a little mushier, but I can get on some of my old jeans and for that I am happy. I know these last ten are going to have to be earned, but this side of it has been a lot easier than I thought, and I'm thinking that staying active up until the day before I delivered was part of it (in my expert opinion, of course). I am very, very antsy to being more active, though. I see the doctor for my six-week check up soon and will begin running once she says okay (I'm sure I could now, but since it's been so long since I've really trained I want to make sure I'm completely ready). And hopefully I can squeeze in a yoga class here or there! This has been really hard on me- I feel like I was more active at nine months pregnant than I am now. I know patience is key right now...

Other Adjustments

Not doing things is not an option for me, so I've had to re-prioritize what gets done when. In terms of getting out of the house I've made an effort in the last week or two to get out more alone with the baby and we've both survived. I bought a Baby Ergo, which he loves. The only problem is that we both get kind of warm and with summer coming I'm not sure how much use I'll get out of it. And yes, I totally have fantasies about strapping him on and doing some serious walking on the treadmill...  

So, in a nutshell: this has been hard, but not as hard as I thought, my baby is slightly less boring than he was before, and I need exercise or I might shoot myself. 

Moms! When did your baby start sleeping in longer chunks or through the night?

Non-Moms! What cocktail are you drinking on my behalf?