The True Danger

In a world where zombies and vampires are all the rage, people forget about a more domestic danger: lawn gnomes. They're sneaky little creatures that lurk around holding pick-axes, for Christ's sake.

All joking aside, Amazon's Vine Program sent me (okay, after I requested it to review... for free) Chuck Sambuchino's How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack the other day and I just spent the last twenty minutes flipping through it and am really reconsidering my adoration of these mischievous little creatures. At first I was concerned about spending the time away from grading papers, but I feel so much more informed now. Sambuchino lays it all out for the reader- the gnomes are determined to take over and we have to stop them. He provides several chapters on defending your property, protecting yourself, and the best ways to destroy and dispose of these supposed "statues." For example, did you know that the best defense is creating holes in your yard and then pouring cement over the gnomes once they fall in? Having a dog is also extremely helpful, as is constructing a moat (as long as you don't live somewhere too cold). As far as weapons go, avoid guns and flame throwers, sticking to shovels, rakes, and hockey sticks.

You can never be too careful- make sure to watch for sawdust, rearranged items on shelves, and circular dents in your lawn. Don't be scared. You can get through this.

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