Things Students Should Never Say to Teachers

I'd like to apologize to all my old (English) teachers. 

Does spelling count?
Does my ability to read and understand your work count?

How long does it have to be?
1,543.2 words, please. Not one over. Or under. 

I was gone yesterday, did we do anything important?
No, we just stared at the ceiling, like normal. 

My mom wants to talk to you.
Crap, what did I do?

Is this going to be on the quiz/test/final?
No, we're just spending valuable time on it for no reason. 

Is this going to lower my grade?
If your score on the assignment is less than your current class percentage then yes, yes it will. And I'm not even a math teacher. 

Have you graded ____________ yet?
Is it in the online gradebook? Do you want a lecture about how long it takes me to grade a class set of essays? DO YOU? 

How much is this worth?
I have no idea yet. 

I should have gotten a 23 out of 25, but you only gave me 22.
I'll give the point to you, but just remember your dedication to precision when your final grade is 89.44% an you try to get me to round it up to an A-. 
You're chewing gum/eating/drinking in class, why can't we?
You don't have teaching credentials. Plus, I'm the boss... of the world.

All said with a smile on my face. 


  1. This is great! I can only imagine how often you hear these things...

  2. It all sounds very familiar! I get most of these from my middle school students all the time.

  3. My goodness. Things haven't changed. Ever. I remember kids asking the same questions - not me, of course ;-)

  4. lol my mom was a teacher for years and I know all of these questions drove her nuts! ;)

    Just wanted to let you know I'm hosting a giveaway on my blog if you're interested: . Might give you a break from teaching lol.

  5. Hahaha that's so hilarious! Love all of these - "I'm the boss of the world"

  6. Haha so true! I'm sure I'll get a completely different set of remarks with my elementary kiddos!

  7. The grading one kills me! I know everyone always wants to know their grade ASAP, but is this day one? You know how long grading takes and you know how to get online and look at your grades. Do kids ever ask you what their grade was? My 7th graders would ask me that all the time. I'd just laugh. Yes, out of all 100+ essays that I spent days grade, I remember what you personally earned. Just wait until I had it back out!

  8. All of the above. I almost want to print this out and hand it to my students. Almost.

  9. In the middle school level:

    Do I need to write my name on it?
    -No, I'll just use my fingerprint kit and detective skills.