I'd like to apologize to all my old (English) teachers.
Does spelling count?
Does my ability to read and understand your work count?
How long does it have to be?
1,543.2 words, please. Not one over. Or under.
I was gone yesterday, did we do anything important?
No, we just stared at the ceiling, like normal.
My mom wants to talk to you.
Crap, what did I do?
Is this going to be on the quiz/test/final?
No, we're just spending valuable time on it for no reason.
Is this going to lower my grade?
If your score on the assignment is less than your current class percentage then yes, yes it will. And I'm not even a math teacher.
Have you graded ____________ yet?
Is it in the online gradebook? Do you want a lecture about how long it takes me to grade a class set of essays? DO YOU?
How much is this worth?
I have no idea yet.
I should have gotten a 23 out of 25, but you only gave me 22.
I'll give the point to you, but just remember your dedication to precision when your final grade is 89.44% an you try to get me to round it up to an A-.
You're chewing gum/eating/drinking in class, why can't we?
You don't have teaching credentials. Plus, I'm the boss... of the world.
All said with a smile on my face.