When Breath Becomes Air

I don't tend to do whole posts centered on just one book, but I do make exceptions, most often for nonfiction works. When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi, is such one. I read this unfinished memoir in less than a day, sucked in by his cerebral, yet lovely, prose, his philosophical pondering, and his story in general.

For those unfamiliar with this bestseller, Kalanithi was a relatively young, brilliant, neurosurgeon at Stanford who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He wrestled with careers in literature and science as a college student (while I wasn't even a fraction as intelligent as he, I did feel he was a kindred spirit in this sense, since I also faced this debate) and ultimately medicine won. He was incredibly bright and successful, although his description of his own accolades I found modest and humble. The first half of his part of the book is devoted to his background, giving us context for how he handles his diagnosis and course of treatment. I felt that even though brief, this part of the book gave me a decent picture of the man- one that I'd like to be friends or have as my own doctor (god forbid I even need a neurosurgeon). 

During the second section, the reader is already in awe of Kalanithi as a person, medical professional, and scientist. I was deeply affected reading his musings on life and death, and feeling conflict as he wrestled with his treatment options and whether or not he and his wife Lucy should have a baby with the sperm they proactively froze when they learned he had cancer. Death on one level is so simple and natural, but that's just biologically. Cells die. It's what they do. When human emotions and familial bonds are brought into play death becomes one of the most complex human events possible. 

The idea of knowledge is paramount to this book. Knowledge is power, so they say, but it can complicate matters profusely. At one point Kalanithi's oncologist tells him, gently, that whenever he is ready to let her be the doctor and allow himself to be the patient, she can make it happen. Having the information he has as an expertly trained physician proves to often be incredibly helpful, but it also makes the process of battling the disease more challenging as well. Doctoring oneself is no small task. 

Kalanithi loses his battle quicker than I anticipated, and his accounts of how much he suffered (before he stopped writing) were heart-breaking. His wife Lucy takes up the third portion of the book, writing about his final days and how she started coping once he did pass. Her descriptions of his final days and his interactions with their baby brought me to tears, which rarely happens when I read. 

It's cliche, but this book really does make you think about time and who, and what, is important in life. What makes you happy? What makes you feel valued? Does this sense of value make your life worth living? How important is your career? When we face death how would we react? This concept got me; if I was diagnosed with a terminal disease what would I do? Would I continue my life as is, or would I make drastic changes? We all want to think we'd go down with dignity, but you can't predict that sort of behavior. 

There's a blurb on the back of the book from Ann Patchett that says something to the tune of this book being something anyone could read. I had proposed it as a book club selection and it was vetoed by someone who lost a family member to cancer (understandable, since none of us had read it). I think, though, it's something that everyone can take something away from, even when such a loss is still fresh. It's a book that can help prepare, help heal, and help provoke thought. 

Still Alice: The Scariest Book I've Ever Read

I knew that Still Alice by Lisa Genova would bother me. A highly-intelligent, young (fifty, which is young for this condition) woman who is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's? A woman who does everything she can to stay healthy,

mentally and physically is plagued with this horrible disease way too early]. I'm all about preventative care; I've been wearing sunscreen since I was sixteen, am very active, get physicals every year, and try to stay away from saturated fat and all those other things that will kill you (although I do drink Diet Coke and eat processed sugar, so subtract five years). My point: the things you can't control about your health frighten me. Like Alzheimer's. 

My grandmother is in her eighties and is suffering from the disease, and the progression was slow, until the last year or two (I don't want to divulge too many personal details, because it's not my place, but I saw her over the weekend and if I were a betting woman I'd say it's the later stages of Alzheimer's). She was an opinionated, productive, busy woman her entire life, raising six children. She played bunco, was in a bowling league, ran Girl Scout troops, volunteered at the food bank, was in the church's Mission Circle, camped in the trailer with my grandpa once a month, and enjoyed crafts. She wasn't the type of grandmother that would jump up to tell make you a sandwich- she pointed you to the fridge and told you to help yourself. She was always up for a last minute trip to the store and could kick most people's butts at Up Words. She was active mentally and physically, but the synapses in her brain decided to rebel. Nature? Nurture? Both? 

Alice, in Still Alice, knew something was up when she started forgetting things frequently. Some of the things were simple, like her Blackberry. But there were also more important things, like how to get home when jogging around the neighborhood she had lived in for years. She devised a test that asked basic questions about her life and programmed her phone with an alarm so that she'd take it every morning. If she failed she included a note directing herself to a folder on her computer with instructions on how to commit suicide. It was fascinating to see the loss of complexity her answers contained as the months, and her illness, progressed. Her relationships changed, her position at work became obsolete, and all the while a little piece of her knew that she wasn't who she once was. 

It's a horrible way to live. And die.

Alzheimer's is a type of dementia that effects more than just simple memory; it takes over how people act, think, and behave. It effects more women than men and is the sixth leading cause of death in the US. There is a lot of promising research, some of which links cardiovascular health and head trauma to developing the disease (also genes and race). Prevention suggestions range from staying active, to eating healthy, to staying social and intellectually challenged. [source].

Still Alice broke my heart, but not with the ending I thought I saw coming. Forgetting the people and things you love is almost as bad as them being ripped away from you. But, then there's the other side, too. What about those who love you that are no longer remembered? And must give up so many things to care for you? It's horrible for everyone and there is no "right way" to do it. For some families, caring for the person in-home with some professional assistance might be their right way. For other families, placing the person in a facility with round-the-clock care might be their right way. I've already told my husband that I'd like to be placed in a center (a really nice one, though, with like botanical gardens and piano players and fluffy robes) if I develop anything along these lines. 

Confession: I hadn't visited my grandparents in seven months before reading Still Alice. It's hard going over there, for me personally, and I can't take Sawyer since it's just not the right place for him now that he is so crazy mobile. Lisa Genova offered me a new perspective though, and I felt inclined to pop in for a few moments to say hi (they live an hour or so away). 

Getting old sucks. So, while we're in the process of slowly dying it's important we make the most of our time. Put that on a Hallmark card. 

Go Set a Watchman- Preliminary Thoughts

I, like most people, was excited and cautious when I heard about the new Harper Lee book a few months ago. I was skeptical about the timing (Lee's sister had died) and I knew that there was probably a reason Go Set a Watchman had never been published. Nonetheless, it's a literary event one way or the other! I pre-ordered my copy, set myself up to finish To Kill a Mockingbird just before release day, and stayed the hell away from advance commentary (and still have, until this post is finished, and then game on). So, honestly, I'm not sure what everyone is saying, but here are some of my preliminary thoughts on the book (spoilers will be indicated!):

1. It's boring- I had a really hard time getting into this book, and a found it difficult to become invested (in fact, I didn't, but more on that in a second). So often I just wanted to be done. There was some information that just didn't seem that pertinent and made the novel drag on. 

2. Remembering context- There are going to be a lot of inconsistencies between the two novels, since she wrote GSAW first (it's set twenty years in the future, when Scout is an adult). Don't hold it against Lee or the book. 

3. A first draft?- Go Set a Watchman reads like a first draft of To Kill a Mockingbird. It seems the editor took a look at it, told her to keep some characters and take the idea of the childhood flashbacks to turn into the real novel. There are some similar lines that are used in each.

4. (SPOILER... sort of?) The Atticus situation- We all love Atticus Finch; in fact, if he were a real man I'd like to leave my husband for him (kidding, kidding). So when it comes about that he has mingled with both the Klan and other racist groups people are going to be devastated. But remember, Lee didn't originally intend for him to the be saint he was in TKAM; this is the real Atticus, essentially. He's far less progressive than we're used to, and while he's not exactly a full-blown racist (the argument of whether or not you can be partially racist is another conversation), he believes the Civil Rights movement needs to slow its roll. There's this idea in the book about Scout realizing that her father isn't a God; as readers we need to accept this as well. 

5. It's not well-written- While TKAM is rough around the edges at times, it does have some polished, well-crafted poignant moments. GSAW really doesn't have much that's comparable. But again, TKAM was written by a more experienced writer.

6. The characters are flat- The characters in  GSAW are fairly one-dimensional, lacking the depth and development that they could. The biggest culprits are Aunt Alexadria and Henry. I would have loved to get to know Dr. Finch more, and Scout herself could have been fleshed out a lot more. No one is special, no one is really worth becoming emotional over.

7. Probably more realistic- When it comes to race, GSAW is much dirtier than TKAM, in regards to racism. There was racism in TKAM, but Atticus' white-knighting (no pun intended) was more the focus. In GSAW we see the darker side of how the white leaders in a community saw civil rights. It's sad, and it's not as pretty or feel-good, but I feel there's probably more truth in GSAW.

8. The ending- The ending is rushed, a bit forced, and wrapped up too neatly, considering the heavy topics (race, father-daughter relationship, marriage, etc...) that are being handled. 

9. You should read it- This, as I mentioned before, is an important literary event and it's a really interesting study in terms of novels published so long after they are written. 

I know this isn't exactly the most scholarly, in-depth analysis, but I wanted the opportunity to jot down what I was thinking before I start reading what others have written. 

Have you read it yet? Are you going to? 

Gone Girl- My Severly Tardy and Brief Critique

So, two years, or whatever, too late, I'm weighing in on Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I listened to it on Audible while walking the dogs last month, since I refused to buy a copy and read it- I had a hunch it may not be something I'd want to add to my collection. And I was right.

First, I will be kind and complimentary (this should take roughly ten seconds). 

It is entertaining on some level, when it's not annoying as hell. Oh, and I like the name Gillian.

I feel like everyone in this world liked this book more than I did, so now let's see how many followers I can lose. 

The Writing
My first complaint, as is the case with most mysteries, is that the writing is completely mediocre. In actuality this probably isn't a legitimate complaint, since it's not exactly billed as a literary read. The dialogue was frequently forced and unnatural, especially at the end- nearly comical at times.

The Characters
The characters were under-developed, considering the length of the novel (she could have done a lot more). I don't mind books with unlikable characters, but I have to still be interested and invested in their progress and motivations, which I was not (especially as the book progressed; I had an open mind in the beginning, before things started getting ridiculous). The only character that I found slightly intriguing was Tanner Bolt, Nick's lawyer.

The Absurdity 
This is tied into the characters, but I found the characters ridiculously stupid at times. The mental deficiency at times was baffling. The plot also becomes increasingly absurd as it unfolds. Books don't necessarily have to be realistic (hello! I like Harry Potter!), but there has to be some sort of plausibility in a novel that's obviously taking itself seriously. The premeditation on Amy's part is just way too far-fetched. I know she's a psychopath, but I just can't believe a real person would be that capable of half the things she did. I just kept thinking, verbatim, "Who the fuck does that?"

The Ending (snob spoiler alert)
What the hell? First of all, are you telling me someone with the supposed self-control and discipline to hurt herself, keep false diaries for months, and totally let herself go is going to give into Desi that quickly? And Nick, not manning up and handling the situation? Oh, and the pregnancy? It's just completely ludicrous. 

The Movie
I have a theory that the better the book the worse the movie, and vice versa. That being said, I have some faith that David Fincher and Ben Affleck will salvage something here. 

Love it? Hate it? Refusing to read it?

October Reviews

[yes, I carved this]

Oh October- I really hate you. The weather can't make up its mind, there are absolutely no days off for holidays, and worst of all, the whole stupid month culminates in the most annoying holiday of the year (parents, please remind your children to not trample peoples' lawns and that doorbells should only be rung once). But, in less than two hours the month will be over and wonderful November will be upon us. 

This month's reads:

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

400 pages

I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but to sum it up, Kingsolver describes the year her and her family spent trying to eat locally. They grew their own food, raised their own poultry, and bought everything else they consumed from their own community. Kingsolver shares their trials and tribulations, while her husband weighs in on some of the more political aspects and her daughter provides recipes.

Verdict: I thought their story was fascinating, but at a few points I did get a little bored. I was also a little frustrated at the feeling that my increased vegetable consumption wasn't good enough- I had to find local food on top of eating healthier.

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

74 pages

This was for work, and is currently the piece we're studying. For those unfamiliar with this classic, it's about Gregor Samsa and his sudden transformation into a giant bug. He must cope with his new body, his family's reactions, and the inner turmoil that naturally comes with the situation. My students are really torn so far as to whether or not they like it; the more advanced ones are fans, while some are taking it quite literally and just think it's "weird." We'll see what they think when we're done with it. 

Verdict: It's a short, interesting classic- might as well burn through it in an afternoon and add it to your snooty "yea, I totally read that" list.

The Stranger by Albert Camus

123 pages

I also read this for work, trying to decide if my students should read this or The Metamorphosis. I actually really liked The Stranger, but opted for the other because I thought the kids would like it more. The Stranger is about a man who ends up involved in a murder, right after handling the death of his mother. He is taken to jail and tried; a simple story on the outside but a fascinating psychological study if you dig a little deeper. 

Verdict: Another novella, it's a quick read that will help booster your classics list. Like The Metamorphosis it's a story with layers- something I personally enjoy.

Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs

304 pages

I have no idea what this book is about. Fine- it's a dystopian story about drugs, sex, drugs, anarchy, sex, and more drugs. And Burroughs doesn't go easy on you- everything about this book is pretty hardcore, whether it's the graphic descriptions of shooting up drugs or the violent orgies. At the heart of the book is the questioning conformity and the human spirit, but man- it's a trip. If I had the time/desire I would reread it and try to actually study it, but I currently have neither.

Verdict: Honestly, I didn't really care for it. It has nothing to do with the subject matter, the style and wandering narrative is just not my thing.

The Revenge of the Radioactive Lady by Elizabeth Stuckey-French

334 pages

I saw this book at the bookstore and then ordered it on a complete whim- the premise alone sounded pretty quirky. Mary Lou, an older lady from Memphis, decides to take revenge against the doctor in charge of a study that subjected her to a radioactive material that ended up giving her daughter terminal cancer. Mary Lou moves to Florida and learns that the doctor now has dementia, so she decides to infiltrate his family and cause havoc from the inside. Her actions end up having far-reaching results that are often humorous but also very, very serious.

Verdict: I thought the first 3/4 of the book was decent- maybe not exceptionally well-written, but at least original in premise. The end was a bit forced and choppy, though. It's a super quick, entertaining read, though- great after something like, say, crazy Naked Lunch. 

Hey, NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow! Let's see how that goes- maybe I won't be loving November as much as usual...