Valentine's Edition- CILFs

Let's just clear something up right now- for 99% of men, and probably 50% of women, Valentine's Day is about scoring tail. You know it, I know it, and every Hallmark card maker knows it. There really isn't anything wrong with that, but let's just remember "I love you more than anything and can't imagine my life without you" just means "take off your clothes and jump in the sack."

So, in honor of this fun little holiday, I bring to you CILFs: Characters I'd Like to- well, you know. Make loooooooove to (is it just me, or does that phrase make anyone else want to vomit?). It's like a MILF, but for literature (still clueless? Visit Urban Dictionary and get with the program).

Sam Spade (The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett)- There's something hot about an old school detective, especially when I usually picture modern day ones as old, balding and fat.

Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee)- Once you get over the fact that he comes with a little baggage (single dad alert), the man is definitely an option. Calm, intelligent, and passionate about what he believes in? Impossible to resist. Plus, I love the name Atticus and almost named my dog that.

Snape (Harry Potter by JK Rowling)- Every girl loves the bad boy that's not really completely bad. Plus, I thought it might be a little too dirty if I put Harry himself. Runner up- Dumbledore (the beard would definitely get in the way, though).

Guy Montag (Fahrenheit 451 by Rray Bradbury)- Another bad boy with a good side. Yes, he burns books at first, which is a definite turn off, but then he sees the light. He could have stayed at my house while on the run- we could read all night long.

Will Freeman (About a Boy by Nick Hornby)- Yes, I understand that Hornby may not have created the character under the pretense that he'd look like Hugh Grant, but it doesn't hurt. Bottom line- a jack ass that ends up liking a kid and changing because of what he learns. I'm such a sucker for that kind of crap (in life... not necessarily literature).

Gus Mcrae (Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry)- Fine, he's a womanizer and a little rough around the edges, but he's cowboy! There's just something about pirates and cowboys... By the way, I really love this book- all 854 pages of it.

Homer Wells (Cider House Rules by John Irving)- Yes, yes, I know he doesn't necessarily look like Tobey Maguire, but Homer's an orphan, doctor, and all around good guy. Plus he ends up respecting Rose's "right to choose" after being impregnated by her own father. And he likes apples. So do I!

I hope your day is filled with drugstore-bought chocolate hearts and roses sold by the checkout counter.