Why 'Fifty Shades of Gray' is a Bad Idea*

1. It was inspired by Twilight- E.L. James started writing Twilight fan-fiction and it slowly morphed into her own series.

2. When I say "inspired," I mean "heavily inspired." I make it no secret that I think Twilight is crap, but I am more opposed to blatantly "borrowing" ideas, which many readers have reported has happened here (remember, I haven't read it, but it's being said over and over again by those who have). If it weren't for Twilight she wouldn't have her text. There are some really great comparisons under the "one star" reviews on Amazon and on Galley Cat. Originality is important to me; I'm hearing this is not.

3. From what the reviews say, the writing is somewhere around an eighth grade level. Are you serious? Grown adults are spending money and time reading "novels" that are something a hormonal little girl who fantasizes about Justin Bieber can fully comprehend? Really? Way to sell your self short, people. But, then again, mainstream adult fiction reading at a low level is nothing new.

4. This book has been labeled with the term "mommy porn," a phrase that definitely gives me the heebie jeebies. Personally, that invokes the image of a thirty-five year old woman getting bonged in the laundry room with Windex in one hand and little Ben's bottle in the other. No thanks. I don't have a problem with porn or erotica, but "mommy porn" is definitely not a turn on. And yes, I get that the term means that it's porn for mommies, but still.

5. The reported advance James made from selling the hard-copy rights over to Vintage is seven figures. Over a million dollars! This is insane. Ridiculous. Like poetry, anyone can write romance. It's a formula: girl meets boy, girl has a problem, boy pretends to fix it, they do it, they do it again a different way, some other surface level plot event happens, they do it again, etc... Seven effing figures (no pun intended).

6. The series acquired its immense following as an eReader format. Can this get any worse?

7. Oh, and there's going to be a movie.

8. On a serious level, there are concerns about just how the sex and relationships are presented. Dr. Drew Pinsky, on his HLN show, discussed the dangerous "rape fantasy" aspect of the book (it's about a woman who basically enters a contract to be someone's sex slave). Granted I don't think we can hold a book responsible for making people act a certain way, it's definitely not healthy to glamorize it. I also agree with Drew's, and others', belief that it sets the women's movement back, as does anything that sets women up as sexually helpless. It's one thing to bust out the handcuffs and blindfolds occasionally, but the idea of romanticizing total sexual domination is not cool with me.

9. There are three of them.

10. The fact that this book is getting so much attention is extremely aggravating. I understand that this post has now become a piece of hypocrisy, but I don't care. It's so infuriating that quality literature is lucky to get a short write up hidden on page seventeen of a newspaper or magazine, while this is getting segments on TV shows. I try to placate myself with the reassurance that I don't necessarily want to read what the "masses" are, but...

Conclusion: if you read this I will cut you (out of my life).

Photo Credit: The Writer's Coffee Shop

*I haven't read this, nor will I ever.

Note: Due to the exceptionally well-written comment (see below) by "Anonymous," I'd like to add that this is more a diatribe as to why I will not read it. In case you hadn't yet figured that out....

29 comments:

  1. HA. hahaha. I read a review of this the other day and barfed. Yours is great too. Don't worry; I won't read it.

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  2. I took a different tact, being that I write in the genre and can't get more than 8 reviews. My bone--no pun intended--is that it is called erotica, yet it isn't even close. I'm trying to understand it, perhaps learn something, maybe change the way I do things...I cannot see it.

    Also, this:

    It's one thing to bust out the handcuffs and blindfolds occasionally, but the idea of romanticizing total sexual domination is not cool with me.

    If it's cool with the lady, will you capitulate? Even the feminists see the good if it gets women in touch with their sexuality again. Domination is a two way street, at least in this book. Drew is way off.
    www.jadecaryromance.com

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    1. I guess it depends on the specific situation. I think so many women agree to things just to please; if she truly is consenting and there is still a sense of mutual respect on both ends it's all right.

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  3. If you are going to comment on a book you show read it first!

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    1. Just like if you comment on someone's blog you should have the balls to show your name?

      Perhaps see it as more of a diatribe as to why I won't read it. There, I added that in with the endnote to please you, Sir/Madam Anonymous. Better?

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    2. learn to spell should...

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  4. I am on the second book and I love it, it is not written and fifth grade level your words enough of that you need to read up on get a life

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    1. You have no idea how much I appreciate you're incredibly articulate reply. No idea at all... I have no doubt at all that you will thoroughly enjoy the second and third books. Happy reading!

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  5. It sounds lame...anything inspired by Twilight already sucks IMO.

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  6. Well, I have read the fanfiction it came from - after hearing about it, I decided to see if it was worth buying. It's not. The writing is simple - just like Twilight, and the sex scenes gloss over reality. They were obviously written by someone who has never experienced what she was trying to write about.

    The "Bella" in the fanfic does not want to be his slave. But what pisses me off, as someone who is a part of the larger BDSM community, is they make his lifestyle all about his abuse and as soon as he feels he is capable of love that he can give it up. That is not the way things are. Just because you live this life does not mean you are an abusive asshole.

    The romance is completely unbelievable in that context.

    Oh yeah and I HATE Bella (or the changed name of Ana) continually calling his play room the "Red room of pain". What a bunch of shit. It just makes the character out to be an idiot - because she does not grow at all in the books. If anything, she regresses.

    Don't even get me started on the whole Lauren situation. (grrr)

    As for being someone's sex slave - don't judge. Is not the whole thing about today's world being that we can choose to be who we are?

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  7. I could not agree more with your review. I forced myself to finish it just so that I could say that I gave it a fair shot. This book is absolute banal crap. People can't put it down? I had to force myself to pick it up each time. It is infuriating to me as well that this is the mark of great literature in our time and speaks volumes on the intelligence of the so called "masses". To each his own, I suppose...but it is akin to the emperor's new clothes for me..everyone says it's a great outfit, but to me he's naked.

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  8. I am going to attempt to read the first "novel" (I say "attempt" because, from the excerpts I've read, I'm not sure I'll be able to get through it without resolving to discover where E.L. James lives, driving to her house and killing her) just so I can pick it to pieces in deliciously vicious fashion.

    What can I say? It's my only (not) marketable skill. Thank you, English degree.

    Can we still be friends, hehe?

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    1. I think so, since you're using your power for evil. I flipped through it recently at a book festival and laughed hysterically. I'm sure you'll be amused.

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  9. Oh Lordy...I don't know that I have the strength to make it through this mess. I read the first 40 pages last night and I could barely keep my eyes on the page because they kept rolling of their own accord.

    Seriously, I'm not sure it's even going to be fun to pick apart. It's just utter shit. It makes Twilight look like War and Peace.

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  10. so far i know 6 women who have read it and left thier husbands. Most of which should be extrememly lucky to have the husbands they have!

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  11. Replies
    1. You forgot the end of you sentence and it should have read.."of shit writing!"

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  12. I totally agree. I am reading this for book club, and my ten year old could write a better book than this. "Smoldering dark eyes", "inner goddess"...it's ridiculous. It's making a ton of money though, so I'm thinking we have a lot of sexually repressed ladies out there!

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  13. I enjoyed your comments for the most part. I have read the first book and half of the second book (and will not be finishing...). I could not agree more that the writing level is very low. And the relationship portrayed is not realistic in any sense. Not to the BDSM community (granted I will be the first to admit I know nothing of this community... but I can still tell this is not an accurate representation as mentioned previously in your comments). And it is not an accurate portrayal of a romantic relationship in general.... BUT two big "critiques" of your review:

    1) Your formula for "romance" (this isn't even romane... erotica.. almost?) Lacked about four "they do it again a different way"'s prior to the "some surface level plot."

    2) You can't completely discredit someone for realizing that if you write such an enormous train wreck with so many levels of awful that an extremely large population won't be able to look away... and you will end up rich. But using the word "realizing" at the beginning of this might give her way too much credit to begin with.

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  14. I HATED this book, no... that word was too nice... these books should be shot with rifles, BURNED with torches and forever forgotten!! I can't even tell you how much I agree with you. I feel as though a grown woman writing about a 26 year old "perfect" "boy" (in comparison to her age) in the fashion she did is SICK!!! What's worse is people thought this was entertainment?!?! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Her writing skills... My outdoor cat could have written a book with more imagination. She used the words "purses his lips," "whispers," and "frowned" TOO MANY TIMES for me to forgive her. (Side note, for someone having such GREAT sex, why are you frowning so much?!) I just can't with this. Society as a whole is a huge disappointment. Sorry I'm not sorry!

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    1. oh and side note, I was only able to get through the first 9 chapters before I called it quits. That was painful.

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    2. Hahahaha! I'm happy you're not sorry! I love the hating. Can't help it.

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  15. Now, I haven't read the book, either, but as far as I can tell - the mistake that this book(s) make is not romanticizing BDSM, it's about giving the wrong ideas and wrong stereotypes of it.
    I've read an article about two very famous feminists, who claim that they are all up for BDSM. To them it's not about misogynistic attitude towards women, but exactly the opposite - it's empowering. It's being open towards your sexuality, which is good. And plus, just because a woman likes BDSM in the bedroom, doesn't mean she is submissive in other aspects of her life, but exactly the opposite.
    As far as I understand, 50 shades explains Christian attitude towards BDSM, as being abused as a child, which just a wrong stereotype. Also, as every BDSM relationship has a set of rules, the rules Gray gives to Ana, are ridiculous. He is abusing her freedom, which has nothing to do with BDSM. Also, he is a borderline stalker and a creep.

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    1. Oh, and just to point out - I don't know how BDSM works (or sex as a whole, really). I haven't had any experience with it, this comment is just a fast summery of what I've heard/read.

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  16. And this crap sold more than HP? F.ck this, I'm going back to Harry Potter series... again. Easier to believe in and more to learn.
    Btw, I know more than one person (apart from me) that gave up reading even the first book.

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  17. I've read all three books.
    If you want to comment on them at least have all the facts.
    I've not read or watched the Twlight series and I never will, so I can't comment. Unlike some people on this thread.
    I will agree that the books are not literature but they're on a par with most novels I've read in the last ten years.
    As for promoting sex slavery or putting back the women's movement.
    READ THE BOOKS!
    If you get to the end of the first book and decide not to continue then you are only getting a third of the story.
    Have an opinion by all means but base it on all the facts.

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